June

I’m upset with my best friend, and she doesn’t even know it… because to tell her would be to face myself and thats never an option, until its the only option of course.

I’m upset with her because the last handful of times I’ve spoken with her the conversations have just revolved around her. I know she has a lot going on, a lot of sudden changes in her life, but her life isn’t the only one going through the motions. She knows the events that her occurred over my life the last 6 weeks or so and yet she hasn’t even mustered a “How are you?”. I know I should say something, I mean she probably does’t even ┬árealize… I just wish I didn’t have to, I wish she could hear it in my voice, see in my eyes (through skype), feel it in her heart. I thought we were more connected than this.

I know this is silly, were adults and I have no trouble communicating; yet this is different. I have always struggled with asking for help, call it my pride, but I wanted to be able to accomplish whatever it may be, on my own even if it mades things more difficult. So when I do ask for help, it means I have no where else to turn, I’m waving the white flag. It feels like a hit to my confidence, even though there is 100% nothing wrong with asking for help, it takes a stronger person to ask for help than it does to not ask. I’ll preach this day and night but we all know how easy it is to tell someone else what to do.

11:11pm

I wish I’d established a stronger circle.